Pre-Adventurer: Building the Confidence to Travel Solo

I wasn’t always comfortable with the idea of solo traveling. While I have always been comfortable (and often preferred) being alone, I had never actually been anywhere outside of a city I already lived in by myself. Like anything in life, practice makes perfect. To prepare myself for the possibility, here are a few ways I stepped outside of my comfort zone before jumping without a parachute into solo travel. 

I have always been the kind of person who asked others to join me whenever there was an event or plan I wanted to fulfill. I am still this person. However, I have learned that there is a proper way to ask for company. Before, I wanted to be as inclusive as possible and would say something along the lines of “I think I want to go to Korea next year, anyone want to join?” Now I say, “I am going to Korea in February to see the cherry blossoms in Jeju, if you have the time and money, you are welcome to join.” 

Do you see the difference? The first feels uncertain, and perhaps I am open to suggestions. It leaves room for people to say yes and then back out or try to change my plans with “Why Korea? Why not Japan?” The second says, “I’ve thought about this, and it is happening with or without you.” Now, you could just use this sentence (I have on several occasions), though it doesn’t sound like you are excited to travel with whomever you say it to.

It is important to present your plan clearly and firmly, even if it is just an idea. This is the first step to take as you become the adventurer you want to be. Your desires are urgent, everyone can’t come, and you will not be waiting for everyone to get their shit together. Get into character. You will need it as you journey forward. If you cringe at eating by yourself in a nice restaurant…… get over it- quickly. One thing about solo traveling is nothing can be too cringe. To minimize the cringe factor, start with something low-stakes.

As a teenager and even a few times in college, I missed way too many movies because my schedule didn’t add up with my friends. There were even a few times I was waiting for others to see a movie, and then they went and saw it with their significant others or club friends because it was “in the moment.” So, as I mentioned before, I changed the tone of my invitations, “I am going to see Frozen Friday at 8 pm (jk, I would never- it’s too late for a movie) anyone want to join?” And then I would go see the movie on Friday at 8 pm. Movies are a great place to start. You are actively encouraged not to speak, so who cares if you sit there alone? It is even better if you find yourself at a theater that serves dinner. Congratulations, you have just taken yourself on a date. 

With this in mind, I started doing everything myself. Movies, museums, once I even went to Six Flags. Not everything needs to be a group outing. There are plenty of places and things to enjoy by yourself. Eventually, I upgraded to restaurants. 

Start with a McDonalds if you must. Then, move on up to Panara. You can sit at a restaurant bar, but you won’t have truly made it until you can sit at a table clearly meant for two or more, order your $40 plate and a glass of wine, and enjoy sitting alone through dessert. I wish I had this skill earlier in life when friends kept showing up late to dinner plans, leaving me to wait outside like an idiot afraid to go in. 

Once you can do all of these things comfortably, you are ready for your first solo trip. It’s that easy: pick a city, any city that you have always wanted to visit. Lucky for us, we live in a time where we can book almost anything without ever having to talk to another person. Half the anxiety is removed. 

My first solo trip was to Atlanta during COVID-19, you know, when other countries were still on lockdown, but the states weren’t even wearing masks. There was a 2-day event I wanted to attend, and I turned those two days into 5 ( I wore my mask, of course). I went to the botanical gardens and ate my very expensive meal (at that time, everything was expensive to me) alone at a very expensive restaurant. I went to the aquarium, got drunk, and watched their massive tank while I sobered up. I made friends in a long line at one of the Slutty Burger locations. Even went to the mall and bought a new outfit for my preplanned events. And I had a blast! There was nothing cringe about it. I never felt out of place or that I shouldn't have come out by myself. That trip opened up my eyes to just how much I could do by myself. I had always thought of myself as an independent girly, but this was a whole new level. 

After Atalanta, I was ready to try my hand outside of the country. As you can imagine, some people thought I was insane for many different reasons. The majority were excited and admittedly envious, and many commented on how “brave” I was. They had no idea about the years I spent trying to be confident enough to go out and see the world. 

I always knew I wanted to travel, but in my heart of hearts, I am a homebody. I don't like living out of a suitcase; I’m not a huge fan of the idea of backpacking through a country.   So, for me, going “solo” out of the country was signing up for a language academy and getting a student visa. I wanted to go it alone together with other people where there was an institution waiting for my arrival. (Not very alone, is it?) Three months later, I took my first completely solo trip to Thailand, and to this day, it has been the most amazing gift I could have given myself. I can confidently say that I traveled solo, and I loved it. I can now make my 2025 plans and get excited at knowing that most of it I will be alone.